Do I have time left for a career?

I'm 45 and roughly know who I want to be when I grow up. [235]

From the top of the Anglican Cathedral in Liverpool, the sun sets over the city. The view reaches out across the River Mersey across Wirral and out to the Liverpool Bay where there are wind turbines.

Greetings

Hello Computer. A newsletter about being different. I’m Pete Carr (they/them) an autistic writer and photographer identifying as non-binary with ADHD and sprinkles on top.

Viewscreen

The photos in this post are from a 2009 trip up the Anglican Cathedral in Liverpool. Amazing view.

Dusk. The lights of the city are on. This is the Liverpool waterfront from the arena to Beetham Tower including the Royal Albert Dock, Museum of Liverpool and the 3 Graces.

Captain’s Log

I haven’t been out much in recent days. No morning swims, bike rides or wanders to Pokemon gyms. I sprained my big toe a few weeks ago and it is taking an age to heal. I had hoped to start a vlog on my new swimming journey for this newsletter. Unfortunately, I can’t walk the distance back home if I swim somewhere, and it is taking a long time to find a wetsuit that fits properly. The foot will heal. It always does and by then I will have a wetsuit that fits. Stay tuned.

Do I have enough time left for a career?

I had my Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis 5 years ago. Slowly, I’m learning to understand what that means. How do I make changes to my life? What is the future? What does it mean for work? It’s a slow learning process. I’ve lost big jobs by trying new coping strategies. I feel annoyed and regret over that, but there is every chance the jobs would have been too chaotic and overwhelming for me. I’ll never know if they were the kind of jobs that push you or break you.

Now I have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder type Innatentive (ADHD) I can see myself in 5 years’ time being in a similar position. Making adjustments and failing in many ways. It may take 5 years to put new foundations in, and a further 5 to build on them. That would leave me with 10 years before retirement age to have a working career.

Crumbs.

10 ish years. My university friends will have had 40+ years. I know I shouldn’t have stayed in the computing industry. I wouldn’t have had the experiences that have shaped my life. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others. Yet here I am, in a moment of weakness while the kettle boils, pondering my future.

A future I have little real control over. It’s like swimming in a strong current. I can improve at that, but I can’t change the current. I may get swept out to sea and drown before I get to my last 10 years of work. Yay, upsides.

While I am not going to worry too much about this (ha! - future Pete), it does make me hope for a better future. Imagine being able to go into your adult life with the same grounding and self-awareness that your average neurotypical person has. We’ve got to make the future better for those behind us. No regrets about my past, but pondering how to avoid it in the future. Hopefully, projects such as this can offer people insight into the life of an autistic adult with ADHD so that younger people can better plan for their future.