On edge

hello friend


I have never been this on edge for this length of time. The way I feel now is how I felt about 3 weeks ago but it only lasted a night. The time before that was maybe 5 years ago. I get up. Go for a run. Eat breakfast and then I’m on edge. I have no work. I’m retired. But I don’t want to be so I have to find ways to do my job from home which is impossible. So 30 minutes after breakfast I’m the most anxious I’ve ever been. We’re 3 months from peak death rate. This has been week one. Frack me.


How are you? Need a pillow to scream into? I think shops still have them.


While it is vitally important that we practice social distancing #StayTheFuckHome it is also important to be part of a community. Don’t shut down. Stay in contact with people. Check in on friends. I am so glad I joined this swimming group at the start of the year. Our local pool has shut and if I didn’t have this group things would be much harder. This morning we had a dip in the Mersey and celebrated a member’s birthday with Prosecco. At 8:30am on a cold winter beach. It was a joy. I’m very lucky. I know most aren’t.


Last week, which feels like 10 years ago, I filmed the community who help out with the Black Pearl. Incase you don’t know the Black Pearl is a community built pirate ship in New Brighton. It’s all made from driftwood.


This year it took 4 storms to totally destroy it. The community came out to assess the damage and see what could be salvaged. I have no doubt that it will be rebuilt. One day.

covid-19 diary

So I’m no-one special. I’m a middle aged middle class autistic white male with a camera. I am not, yet, drastically hit by the Covid-19 situation. I currently have 1 job penciled in and I’m expecting them to cancel. I’m more upset that they have to cancel than I am worried about the money, and I am worried about the money. It’s heart breaking to see the effect this is having on my clients.

Me personally though. I don’t have kids. It is my wife, 2 cats and myself. We’re fortune in that we’ve paid the mortgage off but I do have credit card bills to pay as it’s not been the best year. I’ve coped but not succeeded. Here we are. I’m not doing good but friends are doing worse and beyond that I’m sure there are people in serious trouble.


I’m just a guy with a camera at the end of the day. I’ve often thought about what would happen if there was a world war. My skills are virtually useless in a crunch. What I plan to do is document life as I always do. A photograph of the promenade on any other day is just a photograph of the banal but today it is maybe different. This maybe a series of bad photos and maybe nothing will happen. I have to be doing something though.

I’m posting daily on my Instagram account.

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I don’t want to leave you on a bum note. It’s hard right now. Really really fricking hard. The world is an amazing place and hopefully it recovers from this. The alternative is too terrible to imagine. So for now. Keep calm and carry on. A cliche but please do keep calm and take it one day at a time. Find moments of joy where you can. Here’s some pretty photos of NYC to look at for as long as you like.


beam out

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