One year of sobriety

Just after dry January 2024 I gave up alcohol. My January was not dry as I had to finish all my nice whisky before I started ADHD medication. It is a bad idea to mix methylphenidate and alcohol. Methylphenidate is a stimulant, while alcohol is a depressant. This combination can mask the effects of each other, leading to unpredictable and potentially harmful consequences. So I said goodbye to my favourite alcohol and embraced a healthier lifestyle. After reading an article on what to expect when giving up alcohol, I looked forward to better sleep, improved skin health, losing weight, reduced anxiety, increased energy levels and being able to better concentrate. One year on and I’m still looking forward to all of those things.

Maybe I wasn’t a heavy drinker? I rarely had a hangover and rarely went over 14 units a week. There was never a point where alcohol was an issue in my life. No interventions. No one told me that maybe I had had enough, and no times when I woke up thinking “What did I do last night?” I enjoyed exploring alcohol and never considered it an issue. I stayed within the limits and enjoyed the way alcohol helped calm the anxious side of my brain, allowing me to have fun. If it wasn’t for the medication I would still be drinking and having fun. Why wouldn’t I?

Leo McGarry: I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this longer? My brain works differently. - The West Wing. Season 3, episode 10.

That quote from The West Wing stuck in my brain and any time I wondered whether I was an alcoholic I replayed it. But I kept telling myself that I was not and I was fine if I stuck to the 14 units a week limit. That quote kept popping up as I learned more and more about ADHD and dopamine. People with ADHD often have dysregulation in their dopamine systems. Alcohol increases dopamine release. It makes you feel good. “How can you not want to feel like this longer?” ... “Oh”, I thought.

This isn’t to say that everyone with ADHD is unknowingly an alcoholic. It’s simply that my overthinking brain, completely out of character, led me to worry about a “What if?” While I would not describe myself as an alcoholic, I could see the patterns. My 20s were spent eating and drinking sugar to stave off depression, which of course never worked but I sure as hell kept trying. Is it possible that decades of trying to battle anxiety, depression, autistic sensory issues and ADHD overthinking could lead me to drink more because a brief moment of feeling good is long overdue? It’s possible, at least for me it feels possible. When I was tired and stressed after a man tried to film me on a 360 camera in France, all I wanted was alcohol to help me through the inescapable overthinking. I wanted to turn my brain off and have fun, and alcohol would do that. The diet cola I chose instead was... fine.

After a year without alcohol, I feel like I can get by without it. My skin is no better. Chronic fatigue makes it hard to understand my energy levels. ADHD still makes concentrating... squirrel! However, I think I am better having been through stressful situations and coped without grabbing a beer. At the very least I know I can give up something to be healthier. As long as it’s not chocolate.

Links

• Photographer Captures All Seven Planets Visible in the Night Sky. All of Earth's neighbors in one shot.
• Apple Announces AirPods Pro Hearing Aid Functionality expands to united Kingdom. Apple on Monday put out a press release in which the company announced its hearing aid feature for AirPods Pro 2 is now available in the United Kingdom.
• Effects of cold-water immersion on health and wellbeing: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Background Cold-water immersion (CWI) has gained popularity as a health and wellbeing intervention among the general population. Objective This systematic review and meta-analysis aimed to evaluate the psychological, cognitive, and physiological effects of CWI in healthy adults.
• The Autobiography of my Boobies. This is the autobiography of my boobs, which is a separate story to my life. When people look me up and down and hear my name is Dolly, some ask ‘Were you named after Dolly Parton?’ Yes, I had these sized tits when I was one day old.
• Because Rest Matters: What is a rest kit?. What is a rest space, why is it important and what’s in a rest space kit? Let’s unpack.