Being OK

I had plans this year. Not many, but there were a few big things I wanted to do. I hoped to live, that’s the main one. Over the past few years I’ve been doing big challenges like climbing a mountain at night, running a marathon, being photographed for a national newspaper article on anxiety, or skinny dipping in a cold Welsh lake. When I’m on my deathbed I want to look back and know that I lived rather than regretted.

That was my plan for 2024, to live. I was going to swim the River Mersey as my big challenge. Could I overcome the anxiety of swimming far away from land in strong currents? Could I become fit enough to do so? That was my aim. Unfortunately, I find myself doing 20–30 minutes of exercise and spending the rest of the day, sometimes two days, recovering. Covid-19 has kicked my arse. When it’s not that I’m having a gout flareup or a migraine. 2024 just isn’t coming together.

It’s only June so I should give myself a break. There are still 6 months left in which to do something. Perhaps something that isn’t overly physical so I don’t pass out midway through? There’s plenty of time left in the year. So I should give myself a break. Stop seeing what I’ve missed and look to what I could do. Maybe even be OK with doing nothing grand this year and instead getting lots of little things done? It’s my year of being OK. That should be enough.