hello friend

Hello. How are you? Week 6 of lockdown is drawing to a close. I hope it’s been a good week for you. We’ve been spending our lockdown watching a TV show called ‘The Magicians’. It’s not a reality show about magic. It’s a modern take on the Harry Potter / Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe tropes. I absolutely adore it because it subverts every cliche meaning that the story is never going where you think or want it to. Oh sure its magic and fairies but at its heart it’s people. It’s heartbreaking at times but for the most part its absurd, bonkers and just plain fun in a Joss Whedon-esque way. They even make the musical parts, me no likey musicals, a whimsical and emotional delight. Exactly what is needed right now. Season 3 and 4 are the highlights. 1 and 2 are world building. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

The real highlight of the show is Margo. To quote the website Collider;

“Margo is far-and-away the most unusual character on television: a woman who knows herself, who sees herself with all her flaws, and likes herself anyway.

What a stupidly radical concept.”

She is fantastic to watch and what an inspiration to aspire to in liking yourself.

Seasons 1-4 are currently on Amazon Prime.

mental health

So I’ve been ok this week, mostly. It’s strange. On Wednesday I felt like a weight had been lifted. None had. I still fear looking at my bank account and my email app has been on an “Inbox Zero” high for a few weeks now. sigh Yet I felt ok. It’s really odd.

I had a slight tumble on Wednesday evening when technology failed me before watching a streaming show on Twitch. I had spent the day feeling good and looking forward to the evening show. We had some issues getting the chat synced to the video and I was really tired of fighting technology every time I wanted to have fun. A simple glitch that I should have shrugged off but instead I mentally fell flat on my face and instead of getting back up I chose to stay on the floor looking at non-stick wok recommendations.

Thursday and Friday I’ve been fine. I’m almost happy. I think. I’m in a fun playful mood which has helped me write an article for a site I might start. Who… who am I? It’s so weird.

Is this me without the stress of the rat race? No worries about getting paid work, being in constant debt, seeing everyone else succeed and questioning whether I’m doing the right thing. I’m just doing what I enjoy right now. I setup my Mac to run Windows to play some games I wanted to play. Fun! Next week I’m moving a 4×4 bookshelf into the office before a new chair arrives. In the back of my mind is an idea about trying to write more and make some money that way because I really enjoy writing.

Maybe it is the simple thing of moving my desk to be by the window in my office instead of facing the wall? The view is awful as the window has blown and I can’t really see much but what I can see is blue sky, sometimes clouds and sometimes sunsets. I can feel the warmth of the sun and the breeze too. Is that enough?

I’m sorry dear friend. I wish I had a better explanation for this. I wish I was able to logically analyse the past week and pin point an effective lifestyle change so I could pass that on to you. I haven’t given up alcohol, chocolate, carbs, wine, or coffee. I exercised once and I now cry when getting stuff out the bottom of the fridge. I’m at a loss. Maybe my brain needed real time off from work? The time off I hoped for a few weeks ago when Ifelt I was seconds away from a nervous breakdown? Am… am I doing it? I’m just doing what I enjoy. Writing. Gaming. Listening to music. But not photography… huh.

Maybe I put everything of myself into that and lost myself? The constant debate about what kind of photographer I should be. The debates over camera gear. Clients to chase. What to spend where. How best to use social media. All that stuff. The weekly accounting reports that made me feel like a failure and restarted all the anxiety loops. Maybe my normal brain has come out from inside a bunker?

Also I’m wearing leggings now because they’re comfy and my calves look great in them. Do I go out in them? Oh hell no. It’s like I’m wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Still, it is nice to not even have one moment of doubt and just be ok with the little world I live in now. It’s refreshing. Going back to Margo in The Magicians. “…a woman who knows herself, who sees herself with all her flaws, and likes herself anyway.” I think I’m getting it.

photos

I like visiting places when there’s not a lot of people around. Having some is good for context and to see how people use a space but having it overflowing is madness. So in these strange times it would be fascinating to wander around London some other big city. I can’t though. So here’s what La Ciudad de las Artes y las Ciencias in Valencia looks like on a quiet night in October 2011.

beam out

• Chippy Tea! Enamel Pin Badge — Sophie Green Artist
• The lockdown paradox: why some people’s anxiety is improving during the crisis | Farrah Jarral | Opinion | The Guardian

I’ve enjoyed wearing Buff neck scarfs for nearly 10 years now. You’ll see motorcyclist wearing them for the most part. I reckon they’re going to become super popular once people are able to leave their homes. Luckily I have 4. Merino wool one, Marvel comics one, Star Wars winter warmer and the original one I got in Spain. They transform into a hat, scarf, or face mask.

Oh and the Virtual Sci-Fi Weekender I mentioned last week was postponed to this weekend.