whumpf man down

Hello friend. Are you ok? I am… ok. Sort of. This week has been a battle and a blur. A couple of things have gone well but they are alone in a raging sea. I set aside my Thursday to pull this newsletter together. It is late Friday afternoon and I am just getting started. Not for any executive function reason but due to a migraine. I get these nightgraines now. They occur silently during the night and I wake up in the morning half way through the pain. It is too late to take any medication so I wait it out. This happened yesterday. I lost my writing day. Today my brain is still hazy and I can’t focus. I’ve got 4 documents open trying to pull something together and nothing is working. I can normally knock a newsletter out in a day. I have a clear sense of when it is done and nothing I’ve been working on feels good. If my Spider-sense says no I must trust it.

On top of this my cat, Starbuck, has not been well. She isn’t getting better but at least she isn’t getting worse. In 1 hour I have to start the cats medication again. She requires 5 sets of medication a day. 4 of which are repeated every 4 hours and you have to leave a 30 minute gap between each one. It takes 2 hours to sort. You rest for 2 hours and then repeat. I am thankful that I can spare the time to care for her.

Wednesday was a nightmare of a time where every minor task required 10 complex jobs to achieve. I needed to do one simple thing which required something else fixing which required something else fixing which required something else fixing because because because because. blerg I couldn’t get a simple win. It’s possible everything was harder because I was fighting depression at the time. I could feel myself falling. All because I compared my success to someone else’s and I felt like a failure. I’m not. Damn it I’m not! Yet their number was bigger. Ugh. I know I know. It’s how you use it. Still. Bigger. I tried telling brain that at least they had success and that is a good thing. I should be happy for them. I am happy for them. None of this life is easy so for anyone to have success is a good thing. I just needed a win this week. Ah but maybe they needed it more? A fair point.

I’m sorry this hasn’t been a deep and insightful week. It’s just been a week. Another week on top of last week and last month and last year. I should be glad I can at least do this. This is something.

Take care out there. Dance like people are watching but you don’t care.