Why don’t I miss things - Part 2

ADHD means if I stop doing something I'll probably forget I ever started doing it. Super helpful for a freelancer. What is it? Can anything be done?

GOA performing at Euro Village during Eurovision in Liverpool 2023

Why don’t I miss things?

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I’m going to go out for a morning walk instead of doomscroll on my phone. I did, for a day or two and then forgot. It was as if the event never occurred, as if I had never written an article about it or set up my phone to remind me of such things. Gone and never happened. This isn’t the first time either. I wrote about this phenomenon (do-doo-be-d’do) in 2021. Why don’t I miss things? Things that are every day for me, and that I enjoy. Why do they vanish from my brain?

Two weeks ago I planned to go for morning walks. Simple right? Get up, get out and enjoy. That relies on past-me taking steps to make sure future-me doesn’t have to even think about it when they become current-me. In an ideal world, my cats would have the smarts of Gromit from Wallace and Gromit. Our house would be filled with contraptions to help me through the day. It isn’t an ideal world and our cats are simply fluffballs of mayhem. Another distraction.

Past-me should have known that future-me needed help and done the work. Except I’ve met past-me, just yesterday. By the evening they’re often tired and out of spoon energy. Asking them to prepare the house for future-me is a tough ask, but maybe one that needs to happen.

The absurdity of this is that when I finish work on a Friday, it is difficult to pick up again on Monday. The weekend distractions will have Swiss-cheesed my brain. I’ll have to remind myself of a project I may have been working on, or the simple fact that I was posting on social media. A month ago I made an entire system to help me post photos to Instagram, but because I took a break from that workflow I’ve forgotten all about it. 3 weeks have passed since I last posted. The obvious solution is a task manager, but as soon as they become filled with tasks I naturally ignore them because it is overwhelming.

While I understand the issues with AI are complex and messy, for someone like me it can be useful. Maybe one day I could have an AI assistant that could be like Gromit. Life-changing. For now, though, I had a discussion with Chatty-G (ChatGPT via Merlin Mann) about this and they concluded it was working memory deficits combined with object permanence.

Forgetting you like something is often due to ADHD-related working memory, state-dependence, and low motivation signaling — not because you’ve lost interest or changed. Your brain just doesn’t “ping” that info unless it’s actively cued.

If a hobby or interest isn’t actively visible, being talked about, or scheduled — your brain may just stop surfacing it. It doesn’t feel urgent or present, so it slips out of awareness. This isn’t the same as disliking it. It’s that your brain forgets it even exists as an option until something reminds you — like a photo, a conversation, or the weather.

Now I know, it’s an AI and the results should be taken with a pinch of salt. I asked it for scientific studies to back up its ideas.

Smart people are actively researching this topic. But what do I do? How do I help future-me out without current-me burning out each day from extra prep work? Here’s what Chatty-G suggested;

Ways to Work With ADHD and Remember What You Love

Externalise your memory
- Make a visible "I Like..." list (Notion, sticky notes, phone widget)
- Keep a folder or board with reminders of things you enjoy
- Use a short daily check-in: "What do I need?" "What do I enjoy?"
Schedule joy like a task
- Add recurring calendar events for things you like (e.g. “Go swimming”)
- Use habit trackers or To-Do apps that show history
- Label tasks with emotional reminders (e.g. “Swimming = feel better after”)
Use visual and emotional cues
- Leave physical reminders out (swim bag, goggles, swimsuit)
- Set your phone wallpaper to a photo of you enjoying swimming
- Use music, scents, or objects that evoke the positive feeling
Review what works — regularly
- Weekly “What made me feel good?” review
- Track activities with journaling apps (Daylio, Reflectly, etc.)
- Set a recurring task: “Check if I forgot something I like doing”
Reduce startup friction
- Break tasks into tiny steps (e.g. “Pack swim bag → get dressed → head out”)
- Keep gear prepped or in easy reach
- Pair the activity with something enjoyable (e.g. podcast + walk to the pool)
Use accountability and support
- Ask a friend or group to remind you of things you enjoy
- Join ADHD communities for structure and shared tools
- Use shared calendars or buddy systems
Be kind to yourself
- Forgetting something you love doesn’t mean it’s gone
- It’s just an invitation to rediscover it again, with curiosity

I’m already doing a few of these but perhaps I should be trying harder. What it must be like to be able to function, to get up and do things. To simply go for a walk, start the day and then work 9-5 with consistency and healthy routines. What must it be like to not have to remind yourself, every day, of who you are? Or perhaps I shouldn’t worry because tomorrow I will have forgotten all about this.

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